Not Now, Not Ever

I don't think I've been more terrified of anything in my entire life than I am right now, thinking that if I don't do this, I won't EVER have the chance to do it again. I mean, it might be the wine talking, but I sure do feel shitty about my current situation with this one particular person and the way things tend to sway unfavorably for me. It's hardly even fair. I make sure I try to do things right. I'm a nice person. Why can't nice things happen to me? I don't fucking understand. I'm so jaded at this point that it's become hard for me to believe what I try and impart on others. I do truly believe in the sincerity and goodness of human motives and actions, but it's become harder and harder every day to even bother with anything at all. Now I've seen that there are people in my life that do care about my well being and do sincerely try and make the bad feelings go away, but I don't take things for granted and I guess that's where my faults lie, right? Honestly, she's all I care about at this point. I could lose every last person in my life and have just her. And you know what? I would be happy.